I have been sitting in bed for the last half hour. Not really doing much, checking mail, looking at Facebook, glancing at cute things on Pintrest … the normal three things I do at the end of the day. As I am looking around, I keep thinking of one word … Fear.
My mind keeps going back to church tonight, I was teaching the Survival Kit to the RAs and GAs. We were talking about things that we were learning, things God was teaching us. I told them that we often do not learn just by trust. How many times did our parents tell us not to touch something when it was hot? I love my parents, and I trust them, but how many times did I get burned touching things? Even though they told me, and even though I had touched the same things before?
I have felt like a little kid still touching the hot stove. I still have marks on my fingers from the last time I touched it … but I reach out to touch it again. And again. And again, it hurts, it burns, it leaves marks and they never go away over night.
My hot stove right now is fear. Just today, two things happened that caused fear to whisper in my ear. I listened to it … the fear of the unknown … the fear of what may happen … the loss of control … the emotions of dislike, distrust, worry … playing situations out in my head. Not thinking of what is really going on, but possibilities of the situation at hand.
I hear the whisper a lot. Reminders of the sin of the world. Hearing news reports of kidnapped children, prayer requests of sick church members, the needy asking for help in the WalMart parking lot …. I think about what if that happens to me when it should be lifting those people up in prayer.
There are at least 97 times in the Bible that God tells someone not to fear. Fear does nothing productive, fear disables us to do what God has called us to do. We serve the God who knows every hair on our heads, I know He never wakes up (for He never sleeps!) and thinks ‘oh, I forgot about her ..’
Why do I so often think that God forgets the little things, and also the big things? I then try to grab it and hold it tight. In reality, when I am holding onto something so tight, God cannot poor blessings in, and He also cannot hold those hard situations.
I know He is in control, but I feel as if my part is to worry, to dwell and focus on the situation. I pray ‘God this is yours’, I then lift up my hand … but all I am lifting up is a tightly closed fist.
