Selfish and Blessed

I am selfish. Every day I ask for blessings. I ask for God to bless our meals, to bless our day, to bless my family and friends, to bless our travels, to bless our work and to bless just about everything else in our lives. I fully believe that God has blessed me on a daily basis … many times without my acknowledgement. But how many blessings does God have in store that I never take advantage of?

What is a blessing? Health, safety, security, extra belongings and extra income? I find that I continually want the norm, the standard. I want to live in a ‘normal’ house, where my husband works a ‘normal’ schedule and makes a ‘normal’ income and we live a ‘normal’ life in which we get to see our kids grow and have kids of their own. In that one sentence, there are many blessings. A home, a job, children and money are a blessing, but lately I have not seen those things as a blessing, but a necessity.

I have gone from needing the basics to believing that I ‘need’ so much more. I am reminded of the Israelites and how much I am like them. I am sure that I would have been thankful for the manna God sent, but by the time the weekend rolled around and I could gather extra for the Sabbath … my mindset would have changed. It feels better to have more … I would have been one of them that gathered more than they could eat and watch it spoil and grow maggots.

I have always known that having ‘more’ does not bring more happiness. I understand that things do not bring us happiness and I have not been one to go out and continually by things. However, I have always looked for the ‘more’ … but one week ago God reminded me that the ‘more’ is often ‘less’ in the eyes of mankind.

Brad was at work so it was just me and Joanna. We had left church and on our way back home. I did not go the high way, which is a mistake as going down the main road is always busy on Sundays. I regularly stop at Walgreens on the way home to pick up the Sunday paper, but for some odd reason, I stopped at the QT even though I knew that the paper cost more there.

I got Joanna out slowly, as I was listening to a young lady only a few yards away from me talking on the phone outside of QT. I could tell that she was talking to her grandfather and telling him about the events of the week. They apparently had just arrived in Springfield and Greyhound had lost their luggage. She was crying, stating that they had not eaten the last day and a half and that they were almost out of diapers. At that point, I got Joanna out of the car and went inside the store. I noticed that she had a stroller with her little girl inside. Her husband was sitting on the ground by the phone with his head in his lap. They had nothing … they were not carrying anything and all that was in the bottom of the stroller was a small can of formula.

I got my newspapers, upset about paying almost twice as much as I would have at Walgreens while also thinking about the family outside. Several thoughts went through my head….

‘Just leave’ …
‘they are not asking for help’ …
‘they look ok’ ….
‘we don’t have much money’ …
‘Brad is not here, which makes me uncomfortable’ ….
‘God will use someone to help’ ….
‘God can use me’.

I went back outside, put my papers in the car, continually listening to the young family. The lady was still crying and still on the phone. I walked over to her and simply stated, ‘do you guys need some help?’. She was quiet at first, I think she was shocked that I was talking to her. She explained to me that they were living with her cousin but that she got into drugs. They came to Springfield and it took all of their money to get an apartment and to pay their way here.

We started walking to Price Cutter, which was just behind QT. She told me that her husband did have a job but that he does not get paid for a few weeks. She talked about her family, her little daughter who was almost Joanna’s age and about talked my ear off. I could tell that she simply needed someone to listen.

I was interested to see what would happen in the store as I did not really say what I would buy for them or set a limit. I asked her what she needed and she immediately told me what her daughter’s needs. We went to the diapers and I stepped back, letting her pick. She got the smallest and cheapest package, and checked with me to make sure that was ok. It was at that point I knew that they really needed help and that they were going to be very grateful, no matter what they got.

We got a small can of formula as she was almost out as well. After taking care of her daughter, she looked lost, like she did not know what to do next. I recommended that we got something for them to eat, and she had no idea where to start. After finding out that she could cook at where she was living, we went and got things to make spaghetti as that was something her daughter liked and that they could all eat.

We went to check out; they were so nice and very thankful. We walked out of the store and the husband, who did not talk hardly at all asked if I had just come from church. I said that I had and the biggest smile came across his face. We started walking back to QT were I was parked. I started to go my own way when the husband stopped me and simply said, ‘I am Jeff, and this is my wife Michelle and my daughter Miracle. God bless you and your little daughter for blessing us.’

I got into my car and watched them walk down the road. I drove back home thinking of several different things. I felt so blessed by that couple and blessing them just blessed me more than I could express. I felt like a little kid who had just opened a big Christmas present or a teenager the first time they were allowed to drive. I felt energized and excited. I felt blessed beyond words.

It was about half an hour of my time and about $30 but it was well worth it. My pocket was lighter that afternoon but I felt more content than I had in a very long time. I felt like God was showing me that He does have blessings out there for us … but we have to take them. Sometimes they take time, money, work … but the blessing is huge.

Jeff, Michelle and Miracle: Thank you for blessing me today, every time I think of you I smile.

To everyone who may read this post: If you desire a blessing, go find someone to bless. Open your eyes and ears for they are out there … and they will bless you in return.

I have thought about blogging for some time. I had my fair share of opinions about it: odd, geeky, those people must be board ... or maybe self centered. I do not really know what my opinion is currently though, however, I think blogging may become my new way of journaling and also keeping family and friends in Texas (and elsewhere) updated with our family.

Tonight as I sit here, I feel like I am thinking of a million things while also thinking of nothing at the very same time. I just came back from church and our weekly session of Financial Peace. I keep thinking of one thing that Dave Ramsey said in our session tonight. He was talking about how when we were in Kindergarten, we really wanted to be in first grade so we could learn how to read. But then once in first grade, we wanted to be a cool sixth grader. Once we got into the sixth grade, high school and driving sounded like fun. Then college .... then getting married and starting a family ... then college actually sounded better than changing dirty diapers.

That is a good description of my life. Although I do not really want to go back to college, and I enjoy this stage of my life, I feel like I am continually looking for what is next in life, not what I have right now. Tomorrow always sounds better than today.

Brad's mother is currently in the hospital. With doctors not knowing what is going on or really how contagious she is, I am home with Joanna. I have never experienced loosing a close family member, but when you start realizing that is a real possibility, life slows down.

I don't know why every day I wake up wanting tomorrow to come. I always think that tomorrow will bring a new job for Brad, extra income, new things, new answers ... I always think that tomorrow will bring positive things. There are negative things in life. They come just the same.

With good things .... we just want more. With bad things, we thank God for the good things that we have. For our health, safety, food, our home, our families and all the wonderful memories we have had with them. Why am I so attached to the good things? It seems like they continually pull me into wanting more and being discontent with what I have today. Why are the bad things so unwanted?

I am human. Simply put. I do not understand even the most simple things, like the sky, how high is it really? Or the ocean, can anyone even measure it? Bad things just sound .... bad. But are they? If something bad happens .... is it really bad if it makes me treasure my family more, the memories that we have, and the good things that God has given me? If it changes my heart, and brings me closer to God, the ugly, painful, bad things of this world, may actually be ... good.

As a little kid, I remember praying with my siblings every night. We all prayed about the same prayer and I am pretty sure it drove my dad crazy ... 'God, please let us have a good day tomorrow'. My idea of a 'good day' is slowly changing. If tonight I fall asleep knowing more about God, loving and following Him more and treasuring the gifts He has given me even more, that is a good day.

Today was a good day. Brad's mom is still very sick, Brad is not home, I could not go to work today due to not having a sitter, gas cost way too much, I hit my head on the car door twice .... and yet .... today was good.

God, you know what tomorrow holds. Let me treasure tomorrow and draw me closer to you. And no matter what happens, tomorrow will be a good day.